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Saturday, July 7, 2012

I call it Hell and Freedom on the 4th of July: A Prisoner in my own body

I was given this body you see,
and it had gone and done betrayed me,
Or so it seems.  There is a name for it, now-
it is the most painful experience of my life
hands down: I feel like I have lived this way as long as I can remember.
Funny, is I went back in my history with my doctor,
and this RSD that was "recently dianosed
*RSD", many of my symtoms have been around
since Thanksgiving, this was me                                                                                              
 MARCH 2011-One month before surgery, five weeks before the onset of the RSD/CRPS
                                                                                                             
 Thanksgiving 2011 (below): 6 months post first visit to my PCP for onset of RSD.  

This means 50% of my pain was already INDEPENDENTLY MEDIATED: from deep within the brain stem, at the cerebellum

   BMI:
Where it's controlled by the same group of cells that control breathing & your heart beat and rhythm, and other life-sustaining functions of the body; so in essence-as long as I have a pulse, unless I can get life-giving Ketamine.  And not in a nasal spray.


MARCH 2012-just after the RSD went full-body.

Female, 6'1, 152  BMI =

 Late March

              Kcalorie needs for someone who is :

female
6'1
162lbs (not since college) = 20.1


68 pound weight loss since
                                  
JUNE 2012


BMI: 16.8

   I WAS DISCHARGED FROM THE HELLHOLE FRIDAY, APRIL 13 (on hospital stay number ONE) and my weight was 141.9
 
My wheelchair is to be delivered soon.  I look forward to the independence,
my legs don't swell so much, they are stiff, and locking up.
Nutritional deficiencies cause predisposition to bedsores-at 37 years old.
Just think of being able to do nothing-I lay on an air mattress, I force the bath issue, I drink my tea or coffee,

As my teeth fall out not one by one,
but more like dominoes.
My dentist is talking about a bridge or dentures!!!
Root canals don't hurt anymore.
Just put me to sleep!
I can with nitrous, dream of how wonderful  it would be
to have the kind of family who would just as soon bury me out back with a dead raccoon; and they do "pulse checks."

I pass, I am alive.  I am alive.

I stopped living a very long time ago.






  

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1 comment:

  1. AnonymousMarch 29, 2013 at 10:50 AM

    I have RSD as well. I do a lot of acupuncture. I have read that it is due to the meridian of your body, that the acupuncture can get into your cortex and other parts of the inner brain which crosses the brain/blood barrier. But always remember, Don't give up, if you do, it gets worse. Give lots of hugs and loves to your family. The constant touch helps reduce the nerves from hurting all the time. Start with a feather if it is really bad them move up to a dry washcloth. You can do it! With RSD, you can't feel two emotions at once. Having a positive attitude helps those around me be in a positive mood. And then we are all in a happy place.

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