Ain't Nothin Big

 Oh, I must have done something verwy baaaaadQQ

It ain't nothing big,
just in and out of the hospital
in a couple days......
Sixteen months later,
I know my life to be nothing
other than to feel intense, wicked pain

You're up for days
like a "Cowboy...."

I am your mother/father

a treasured brother/sister,

a loved aunt/uncle,

your niece/nephew,

cousin, and anyone else you love and care about!!!

I can be a (or your) doctor, lawyer,

fireman, paramedic, paralegal,

secretary, receptionist, next door

neighbor.  Your family friend.  A member

or several members of your church.

I can be a minister, a psychologist,

a bus driver, a police officer,

the person who delivers your pizza...

IN SHORT--

I can be right here next to you!

and I suffer from RSD/CRPS;

pain knows no boundaries!!!

RSD/CRPS DOESN'T EITHER,

thus far, the most documented severe form

of continuous, unrelenting, undertreated,

least researched cause of "chronic pain."

It is not chronic pain:

It's chronic torture!!!

It is a burning HOT PAIN!!!

Burning, hot, fire,
skin feels scalded down to the wire,
open sores picked at and scrubbed
at with Brillo pads, wire scrub brushes

the slightest breeze,
the smallest bump,
sends the pain into an
unending frenzy of tears,
crying, messy snot and red eyes,
my leg is red and sweaty,
my muscle cramps are unbelieveable....

I feel like I'm shouting into
the wind sometimes
just because this or that symptom isn't
here or there right there right then

Never when they're "testing" for it

I wish like hell you'd leave me alone.....
 I am tired, at age 37,

of feeling like I've been to hell and back,

and back to hell and stayed

longer with each "flare."

I am tired of dreading each flare;

not knowing when it will strike;

only that it will!
would it be my hands resembling claws; 

virtually useless; or totally useless?

Or a leg, shriveled up,

useless, rendering me unable to walk?

Unable to walk, or would it be

unable to hold a fork and feed myself?

Fear the treatment or the disease?

Or my legs?  What happens then?  No, I am not

living in the future, fearing tomorrow;

I have to plan and make sure that I am ready;

ready to kick some ass!

I have already grown tired of the migraines 

the  helllish "syndromes" that grow with you;

I've done nothing to deserve this....

...nothing to put my face on a

"Wanted Poster" that bears either

of these likenessesses on them; and the pain,

The being called a liar,

Looked at I am nuts when I say

I keep the schedule of a cat;
and possess the hearing of a dog........
No longer is a cute baby to behold,

I find them frightening, especially if unprepared

with my trusty earplugs....

I fear they turn into a screaming baby.....
and the agony, horrible burning

pain that goes with it;

screeching, screaming, hollering;

I want to be rescued, I want to be cured;

I want to leave this torture behind...

The swelling, the color changes,

the changes in me-to someone

I don't even recognize, like, and I fight it,

try to smile, and make myself scarce.

But sometimes, it does require an amends.

But see, pain on this scale makes

you feel like you are GOING cray,

not that you are, you reason; you know

you cannot let them win, that in

these days, you have to advoate for yourself

since sure as hell, no one else will!!!

When is the next attack going to hit?

Navy Seal Team 6 gives the fix;

Come on out and kick some ass!

A team that actually

does the job--now can we please

get something done?

You got rid of Osama binLaden

when no one else could;

Can we put you on the job

to help the people suffering

from RSD, chronic, unrelenting pain,

be it from nervous system disorders,

or whatever else-you see gentlemen,

It's being fouled up big time now;

Let's work on it--YOU guys

have a better track record than

what the various governments are

in way of completely screwing it up!

So what--how do I give the order?