A GENERAL IDEA

Do I give it my credit?  How much do I let it take?



 Yes, the pain can take my breath away, no matter how hard I try to keep it from doing so--no matter how hard I try,  I spend the night in the bathroom throwing up.
At what point do I draw the freaking line???  When is enough enough????  I have problems they can not fix.
I can accept that....  I have no illusions I will live forever.  I probably will be buried by my own parents and dammit, I feel no pity whatsoever for them.

I just cannot give it anymore.  On more than one occassion, it's nearly taken my life.....................................

I've had:

• PCOS-8 cysts removed surgically (7 scopes; 1 laparotomy-that was the one that gave me MRSA)
• Diagnostic laparoscopy for endometriosis
• peritonitis/sepsis from ruptured appendix--which required a laparotomy
• lap/cholecystectomy w/post-op pneumonia
• right oopherectomy due to ovarian torsion-requiring an emergent laparotomy............
• left oopherectomy due to ovarian torsion followed by life-threatening sepsis, abscess to the abdomen, and peritonitis (MRSA)
• This is the one where I was in the ICU 3,000+ miles from home for 10 days--in "Critical condition for 3/10 days in ICU;
• Spent another 2 weeks having BID and excruciatingly painful wound dressing changes.
• Spent 3 weeks attached (back in 2003, wound vacs required hospitalization being taken to the OR to be put out due to the size of the wound: hip to hip, belly button to pubic bone
• Was finally released

VARIOUS SHOTS OF ME DURING THE HOSPITAL STAY:

ICU STAY-OFF THE VENT

JUST OUT OF ONE OF MANY SURGERIES

RIGHT AFTER A PAINFUL DRESSING CHANGE;
BEFORE THEY STARTED PRE-MEDICATING

ICU PHOTO: STONED AS i LOOKKKKKKKKK

LET'S GET OUT OF THE ICU

IN SURGICAL UNIT: IN PAIN--I FELT DURING THAT
CHANGE THAT MY INTESINES MOVED AT THE BOTTOM
OF THE WOUND.  YUP, I SCREAMED

FIRST PHOTO OFF THE VENTILATOR IN ICU

ICU PHOTO-TPN & LIPIDS PERKING ME UP.

• Adhesions that have adhesions, etc
• Chronic bowel obstructions: 2 required surgery out of a total of six; last one a partial bowel....of the 6/2 have been partial, all related to  ADHESIONS (docs try to say they are from meds!!!  Do they think I am that stupid?????  I don't go back and look)
• The 1st complete, they had to resect 19 1/2 inches of my small bowel
• osteoarthritis related to a seriously deranged ortho doc-now my joints barely move instead of dislocations and hyper-flexibility!!!
• 10 knee surgeries (Due to the above, weakness and various injuries)
• MRSA > 10 times  
• Usually "Boils" and sometimes properly treated: I figured out to just go to my Infectious Disease doctor
• 2 of them was one burn that got infected with MRSA (Positive culture) 
• The doctor got angry when I questioned treating it with Amoxicillin and shouted at me "Well if you would bloody cooperate and accept what we offer with sulfa....(to which I have a severe allergy)
• Lumbar Disc Disease w/ EMG positive left leg sciatic nerve pain (course no one believed-at my previous or current provider until I shoved PROOF-which
• Thoracic scoliosis curvature (42 degrees-same doc who wrecked my knee missed this
• "messed-up neck" cuz of a hit & run.  Not as bad as the Lumbar Disc Disease--but here we go: 6 surgical evals = 6 surgeons refused to operate before the RSD/CRPS diagnosis
• I got hit and knocked to the ground  while crossing the street with a GREEN light, dumbass ran a RED light and took off.  
• All they say about my MRI from knees to neck (C3/4 to C4/5) "It's there."
• nocturnal hypoxia--when I sleep-pain kinda prevents that. Can't remember the last episode I had in terms of years
• Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD)/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS)....how long do you think it took for them to acqueiece and put it in my file instead of "Chronic Pain Syndrome"
• Bipolar I in remission x 3.5 yrs.
• There's been other stuff-oh, 2 years ago, I had the H1N1- AND it was because I got the shot--that's how rotten my immune system is.

I have reactions to meds that "older" docs "haven't seen in 20 years" and younger ones reach for their iPod or Blackberry; the only sleep med I can take (since antidepressants make me totally cause psychosis) and if you want to lock me in a room for a week and try Lunesta Ambien, or Sonata is the infamous chloral hydrate.  If ya don't think I am not damned careful, that's nuttier than the doc who asked me to spell it.

Ohhhhh, boy!  Get me to a shrink--I would prefer one.  Besides, if you act like an ass, yup, they can be your worst enemy.  Be human like you so desire?  They can be your best friend: paving the way to many a treatments--sometimes skipping a step or three--if you just act sane.


Even if for only 45-50 minutes.


I have had docs ask me if that is one word or two while madly punching it into their iPhone, etc, others, even ones in their 50's and 60's have "never heard of it