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| Dad & Vienna |
"I love you," he says.
She looks down, wondering
if he really means it.
"I mean it," he says,
"And I'll always protect you.
You can always come to me."
He holds her, kissing the top of
her head lightly, knowing this is
what she needs, knowing
she never gets from her mother
"It'll be okay, hun. I promise."
----Sydney Michelle Ford
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| My "drug-free" sister is on the left (?) |
Sydney, sweetheart---I had the room next to your mom, her life was what she made it-quick to condemn others for making the mistakes which she herself made and put you on the street for rather than be a real mother and find out what drove you to self-destruction.
But honey, those are the sort that judge before getting the whole story.
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| left to right: Lisa, Zack, Sydney, Vienna |
Know you can build the family of your own choosing, BLOOD IS NOT THICKER THAN WATER!!!
Syd, your kind heart and gentle soul,
your beautiful face, your kindness and grace,
well I hope I can be a part of the family you pick
I know the pain, how deep the wounds are when those who are supposed to love, nurture, show us they at least give a crap we are alive, let alone that we are in pain.
I don't know what anyone has told you about RSD/CRPS, but I really DO have it, contrary to anything anyone in our "loving family may have told you (probably I am "using drugs--again, is my guess; but ya know how I am: Fuck them, I say, and I am working-----and it's really hard to do--on getting through this far hasn't been easy....
I am here for you. Always and forever. I don't live well with others anymore--or I would have rescued you long ago; but looking back, I want you to study each photo set and tell me what each one has in common; THEN watch the video on RSD (aka CRPS)
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| I took this one, those of us ignored by the rest stick together. I felt for you. Still do |
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| Dee & her lil one (not so little now) has RSD-like me |
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| Kat, RSD of the heart |
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| Nancy & her pup |
Yes, Sydney, we have much to talk about: I really want to tell you,
I would hold love to hoyou in my and say "Life will be okay, I promise."
But one thing in this life we can do is make things okay.
Cuz sometimes your Mama is sick too-sometimes she can't even have
the ability mental or even physical & emotionally do this for you.
And I am not your mother, sweetie, and have always wished I were.
So I could walk this walk with you, hold your hand,
And simply say how I love you-and say it every day.
You have been the one I alway felt a bond with-I know so well what you go through
every single day, And I am supposed to be grateful for the bird seed I get.
The only thing a mother can promise to her child is that
she will hold you, protect you, love you, and you are the
love and light of her love will see you through: that she may not be able
to fix everything-she will comfort and love you.
I used to wish I could take you home and keep you;
but you are an adult now-perhaps long before your time,
if I know my sister at all. She used to proudly say
how if you made it to eighteen, graduated from high school
got your driver's license and a car,
Her job as a parent was done, she owed you no more.
You are a parent for life-I know Kat would agree.
Jennifer Shea McGee "Shea"
September 1, 1974-October 19, 2011
"The Grace of My Heart"
But Sydney, we all find our pain somewhere-somehow. But letting it out the way you did takes way more courage than covering it up or numbing it out.
Screw what Vienna puts on her comments; I have learned long ago when family members throw out hateful comments, it reflects on one person: THEM. Sure people took advantage of Shea's kind heart and loving spirit-no doubt you as well.
Sadly, and it's been hard to do that when it's someone who is supposed to love you.
Shea even forgave the man who molested her as a child and never turned away someone she could possibly help: and she did it because it was the right thing to do.
I have actual RSD (CRPS), which is a trip after what I've been through--u story not being much different: but I have a been like Shea (as you likely would have been by extention. But Sydney, just as my bipolar illness made me nor be like a parent I would and should have been, Shea was born with a tremendous gift neither of us had:
A mother who was not so ill herself, she couldn't Try and understand Shea's problems and instead, advertise what a fantastic mother for being patient, understanding and loving when my bipolar spiraled out of control, when I landed in the psychiatric unit, she came in picked a fight, and usually within 5 minutes, if I wasn't asking her too "Please just go and leave me be, staff were escorting her to the car for being disruptive.
But I am still the "family patient." Just seems like anytime I turn around, my mother is telling me I am an "ungrateful bitch" or "lazy" and saying things like my "CLAIM" of having RSD/CRPS is an "excuse" to "be a DRUGHIIIIEEEE" (how she says it-I only wish I thought it was funny); but look at the top of the page on the blog under "pages" or just watch the video. I call it Really Shitty Disorder. You literally feel like you are on fire all the fucking time. Neither your grandfather, Melin, my "mother", Paul, or anyone else cooached to saw as much imply it's "bullshit, not much more than fibromyalgial" Uh, they hurt too. And you try being a reformed addict and be int that kind of actual pain. As well, Kat has scleroderma! http://www.scleroderma.org/
So I say it's safe to say, all 3 of us regardless have "RSD of the heart."
I love you unconditionally.
Always and forever with no strings attached. I am not your mom, but I am your aunt. And sweetie, I love ya!
But what I will never do is behave like your mother.
She says that my mother is sick.
What came first, the chicken or the egg???
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